This site will is primarily intended to diarise the journey from start to finish of my experience with cancer. Partly for my own purposes, but also because I believe that every lesson learned can help to improve someone else’s journey.

Having decided to create this journal, I realised that there are different facets to explore, so I needed to have a game plan, and my initial thoughts turned to what I don’t want this to be. I refuse to dignify my condition with its scientific name – I will not be defined by it. Scientific names stand aloof, seemingly detached from the very people they affect as if we cannot question anything about them. Well, I am not prepared to tolerate that – my body has been invaded, some intruder is living inside me and off me, uninvited. We have never been formally introduced and I certainly didn’t agree to this residency plan. I am having to live with it, however temporary, so I’ve named it … ‘weasel’ – furtive, scurrying and crafty. But, now that you’ve been identified, located and ready now to be dealt with – the search is over.

I also don’t want this to be ‘sanitised’, a sort of good news journal devoid of feeling. I want to deal with this head-on and factual. There are emotional or subjective elements that may trigger all manner of feelings, thoughts, memories and ideas – which I will explore as best I can. But there are also objective threads – the logical sequence of events, known statistics, outcomes and side-effects, which form a timeline which weaves together with others and the need to adapt as needs change.

With this as the framework, I realised that my approach was that this was a project and part of a bigger programme of work. Since these are subjects that I teach, it makes logical sense to use the project/programme methods to investigate, adapt, report and review.

And so project weasel was born

Why weasel?

The weasel, [mustela nivalis], has enjoyed mixed reviews of the ages – ancient Macedonians believed that sighting one was a good omen, while Norse people saw the creature as cunning and unpredictable – linked to the God Loki. In Japan, they are shapeshifters and in China they provide a bridge between the mortal realm and the divine.

Egyptians believed them to be guardian of the afterlife and protector of homes which contrasted with the ancient Greeks who believed them to represent embittered brides who destroyed the wedding dresses of brides to be (the ancient Greek word for weasel translated to ‘little bride’).

Native Americans admired them as teachers of stealth, and the Inuit peoples particularly believe that the mesmerising spectacle of the northern lights is created as they chase each other across the sky.

For my purposes I use the term weasel to mean, sly and deceitful, agile, treacherous, and witty – kind of cute but menacing.